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07/21/01

Bush Livin' La Dolce Vita Loca at G8 summit in Genoa

President-neglect George W. Bush and Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi pass protestors on their way to a G8 summit meeting in Genoa.

by Victor Payan

Pocho Operation G8 Keeper Correspondent

More than 100,000 angry protestors have gathered in Genoa, Italy to voice their concerns about the harmful effects of globalization, as the leaders of the seven wealthiest nations and Russia meet to discuss how to carve up the resources of the other 231 nations of the world.

The eight leaders who make up the so-called "G8" alliance reportedly discussed such issues as AIDS in Africa, free trade, the Kyoto global warming accord, the proposed Bush missile defense system, and different ways to ignore the presence of more than 100,000 angry protestors.

The G8 leaders maintained that the protestors' fears about the intentions of the summit were unfounded.

"These leaders are truly concerned about the will of the people. They are not hostile imperialists bent on world domination," G8 spokesman Vinny Vidivicci told protestors from behind 2,000 armed police officers, a barbed wire fence, the moat of a 14th century castle and a column of Roman centurions.

But all was not smooth around the summit table, as American President-neglect George W. Bush confounded the other seven leaders with his unpopular positions in a number of areas.

For instance, Bush claimed that the Kyoto global climate accord was outdated and did not take into account such factors as alternative fuel sources, the slowing American economy and the possibility of an oncoming nuclear winter sparked by his proposed missile defense system.

Bush also said he felt the Kyoto Accord was not as effective as the Honda Accord in fighting global warming, due to the popular automobile's high gas mileage and comfortable climate control options.

When asked for his opinion on the declining value of the Euro, Bush commented, "The low value of the Euro is a good thing for consumers, because in the US, a tasty Euro can cost up to $3.00, although this price may also include fries, a soft drink and extra sauce."

Bush reportedly won over the leaders, however, when he brought in Latin propaganda tool Ricky Martin for an erergetic performance which included songs such as "Livin' La Dolce Vita Loca," "Funiculi, Funicula" and a special rendition of "Putin on the Ritz," dedicated to the Russian president.

Tragically, the G8 summit was marred by the death of protestor Carlo Giuliani at the hands of police. Protestors shouted the word "assassins" at the black-shirted police, while Italian anarchists pelted officers with lewd insults and offensive hand gestures.

Angry riots over the killing also broke out in London, a city which has seen so many angry riots recently that the British Parliament is contemplating designating a section of the historic city as a permanent "Angry Riot District."

The ghosts of Sacco and Vanzetti were unavailable for comment.

In related news, Genovese officials are claiming that the G8 summit has already helped spur the local economy, boosting sales of rocks, bottles, and gas masks. Hotel rooms were also filled to capacity, but inside sources report that by and large the G8 leaders were lousy tippers.

Bush appeared for a photo op Saturday, greeting reporters with his customary smirk and glib remarks.

The President-neglect avoided hardball questions, and when asked what he felt about Italian food, Bush commented, "The mussolini with red sauce is to die for."

Bush demonstrated little compassion for the protestors, however, telling reporters that the G8 leaders were the democratically elected representatives of their people, at which point the photo op was ended abruptly as Condoleeza Rice pulled the President-neglect away using a large hooked cane.

Rice then treated the press to a dazzling high wire display of euphemisms, double-speak, reverse logic and bald-faced lies with the phrases "restructuring," "working together" and "it is time to move forward" sprinkled in for promotional purposes. She closed the performance by talking out of her posterior while drinking a glass of water.

Meanwhile, back in the US, millions of Americans began receiving tax refund notifications this week, causing analysts to predict an increase in utility bill payments and sales of mufflers. Sadly, a large number of Americans discovered that they would receive no refund, because, since they were poor, they did not qualify for compassion under the Bush tax cut plan.

A third group of Americans was surprised to find a package in their mailboxes which contained an article of clothing that simply read: "George W. Bush refunded $1.3 trillion tax dollars, and all I got was this f*cking t-shirt."

© 2001 Victor Payan

This article is dedicated to Carlo Giuliani and all those who are taking the principled stand to fight the despoilation of the earth and the destruction of liberty via harmful economic policies.