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"Indians not paying their fair share" says Gübernor on Columbus Day

by Victor Payan

Sackramento, CA - Gübernor-elect Arnold Schwarzenegger told a Columbus Day crowd yesterday that he admired men like Christopher Columbus and Hernan Cortez for coming to the new world, creating jobs, helping balance the budget of Spain without raising taxes and dealing with Indians who were not paying their fair share.

"I really admire men like Christopher Columbus and Hernan Cortez," said the Gübernor-elect. "They were immigrants who came to this continent with nothing, and they worked hard to make this the greatest continent in the world. Plus, I really admire how they treated the millions of Indians who were not paying their fair share. They were the real 'Terminators.'"

Schwarzenegger went on to express his admiration for another immigrant, Adolf Hitler.

"I really admire Adolf Hitler," said the Gübernor-elect. "He came to Germany from Austria with nothing, and he worked hard to make Germany the greatest country in the world. Plus, I really admire how he treated the millions of non-Aryans who were not paying their fair share. He was the real 'Last Action hero.'"

Schwarzenegger also expressed admiration of how Hitler's immigrant work ethic sparked a major German emigration into Poland, France, Eastern Europe, Africa, Russia and parts of Crawford, Texas.

"I would not be here today if it were not for immigrants like Columbus, Cortez, Hitler and my old friend Kurt Waldheim, a man who helped deal with over 6 million people who were not paying their fair share."

"I have a vision for California," said the Gübernor-elect, "and I want to thank the people of California, and NBC and their parent company General Electric, and former Governor Pete Wilson and the covert Republican operatives and my good friend Ken Lay of Enron and right wing radio and the NACi's from the Project for a New American Century for helping me win. I will not fail them. Things will change."

In related news, Gübernor-elect Schwarzenegger told reporters he was scheduled to meet with President-neglect George W. Bush on Bush's favorite holiday, "Dia de los Muertos."

© 2003 Victor Payan