Between The Lines: The Online Art/chive of Informes Informales

The Center for Disease Control issued a warning today that Bushlexia, the terrible disorder that destroys rational thinking and speech centers of the brain, can be spread from person to person.

"New evidence shows that Bushlexia is contagerous," said CDC spokeswoman Dr. Ann Thrax.

Apart from its trademark speech impediments, symptoms of Bushlexia include the inability to process complex ideas, delusions of grandeur, susceptibility to authority, alcohol abuse, and involuntary facial ticks, such as smirking, nervous laughter, and the sudden eruption of large boils when angry. Another symptom of the disorder is that it causes its sufferers to mimic the facial expressions of chimpanzees.

Although little is known of the disease, it is believed that Bushlexia, also known as "Mad Cowboy Disease," is spread through television news, talk radio and by exposure to USA Today.

The possibility of a Bushlexia epidemic is staggering, warns Thrax, as it would render all forms of communication useless.

"Could you imagine having a cell phone conversation with someone who had Bushlexia?" asked a concerned Thrax. "And if you had to order Chinese food, you just might starve."

Another more menacing characteristic of Bushlexia, is the tendency to make its sufferers susceptible to the will of authority figures.

"It would be unwise to misunderestimate the degree of subliminable suggestion to which a person might be injected," says Thrax. "Therefore, we strongly encourage people who show symptoms of Bushlexia to immediately resort to local authorities for a battering of tests."

A recent CDC report on Bushlexia showed that rats exposed to George W. Bush press conferences and television programs such as "The O'Reilly Factor" suffered severe impairment to their cognitive abilities.

"Because we have found Bushlexia in rats," says Thrax, "we have concluded that people with Bushlexia are really rats."

The origins of Bushlexia are unknown, but the first outbreak occurred in Texas, when George W. Bush's money beat popular incumbent Ann Richards in that state's gubernatorial race. More recently, a widespread Bushlexia epidemic in Florida resulted in the miscounting and dismissal of thousands of votes for presidential candidate Al Gore.

At that time, it was believed that Bushlexia was also responsible for the Florida Supreme Court's decision to throw out the votes. Later, however, it was concluded that the real cause was corruption.

"Since Bushlexia is a fairly recent disorder, we can only conclude that it may be the result of some new form of bio-illogical warfare," says Thrax.

It is feared that Florida governor Jeb Bush has also contracted Bushlexia, as he has remained mysteriously silent over the state's connection to the terrorist bombings of the World Trade Center, the recent outbreaks of Anthrax and the creation of the horrible scourges N'Sync and the Backstreet Boys.

In related news, CNN has reported a large outbreak of Bushlexia among senior Democratic officials since Sunday's airstrikes in Afghanistan. Because of constant exposure to government spokespeople, CNN has begun mandatory Bushlexia testing among its news staff.

Senior CNN anchor Wolf Blitzer, however, assured the public that the idea of a Bushlexia epidemic among media professionals is "ridicular and preposthumous".

For real examples of Bushlexia, please visit the Bushisms website at http://www.bushisms.com.and Bush Watch at http://www.bushnews.com.

2001 | 2000 | 1999 | E-mail us! | Join e-mail list! | Links

2001 \| 2000 \| 1999 \| E-mail us! \| Join e-mail list! \| Links

All writings on this site are copyright Victor Payan unless otherwise noted