2001

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01/31/01

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2000

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03/29/01

Irate CA Consumers to Reverse Charges on Power Mad Energy Companies

"Ouch!" cries this energy rights activist as Officer Barry Mofinger pointedly shows protesters the way to the exits at a recent PUC meeting.

 

 

by Victor Payan

Pocho Power Crisis Management Team

In response to the Public Utilities Commission's announcement of a staggering 46% electricity rate increase, a group representing irate California energy consumers is encouraging customers to bill their power companies for the difference.

The group, People for Humane Utilities Commission Treatment, held a press conference yesterday denouncing the PUC's heartlessness and encouraging all consumers to seek reparations from power companies, which are reporting record profits at the same time that they are receiving bailouts from the state and gouging consumers.

When asked about the size of the group and of their relative effectiveness, spokesman Alec Trecidad said:

"Every California resident is now an official member of People for Humane Utilities Commission Treatment," he said. "We are all PHUCT."

Trecidad says PHUCT Californians blame the crisis on the shameful complicity of what he calls the "Public Futilities Commission." He says that consumers should treat the rate increases like a forced loan, and bill the power companies the amount plus interest.

"If they have to pay back the money they get from creditors as a result to this stage 3 mismanagement fiasco," said Trecidad, "then they damn well better pay back the money they're getting from the consumers!"

The power companies, however, say their hands are tied regarding the electricity crisis.

"The allegations that we are power hungry pirates and corporate raiders robbing the public of money for their basic needs is preposterous," said PG&E lawyer Ray Penpilliger.

Penpilliger later squinted and uttered the guttural phrase, "Arrgghhh."

Consumers in the Golden State are doubly angry that their rates are skyrocketing in spite of both their valiant efforts at conservation and a particularly mild spring.

"I have only one 75 watt bulb in my house, which I use for lighting, for cooking and for ironing," said Luz Rebajada, a mother of four, "and my electricity bill is still $350 dollars a month."

In a display of compassionate conservationism, President-neglect George W. Bush again used the Texas-sized rate increases to push his $1.6 trillion tax cut.

"My tax cut is designed to help the wealthiest 1 percent of Americans. But it will also help lower-income families like the Jodida family of Death Valley, who could use their tax cut to help pay their electricity bill, or the medical bill they may receive as the result of a sudden heat stroke, or for food and water, or for asthma medicine so their daughter Juanita can breathe, or to fix the radiator in their beautiful Chrysler K car. If they had to pick one of those options, my tax cut would sure come in handy."

Some California energy consumers agree that the time is right for a Bush tax cut.

"I will use the $400 dollars George W. Bush promised me in his tax cut to buy a cuete and take down a power company executive," said US Postal Service employee Smithon Hueson, adding, "It gets real hot back there alone with all that hate mail for the power companies, you know."

Meanwhile power companies are responding to the public concern with a $975 million ad campaign that periodically floods homes with informative mailers which can be used as fans on hot summer days.

One such mailer gives advice on what to do if a senior suddenly experiences a "rolling blackout" as a result of the summer heat. The flier advises:

"By significantly conserving their physical motion, heart rate and breathing activity, we believe many people will be able to reduce their electricity use. You may want to encourage your senior to remain on the floor where the temperature is cooler."

But Alec Trecidad says PHUCT Californians will not take this power grab lying down.

"There is a power crisis alright, but it has nothing to do with electricity! We keep conserving and they keep self-serving. It's time to pull the plug on these power mad corporations."

While the nation heats up for a scorching power struggle that threatens to give the economy a rolling black eye, President-neglect Bush remains cavalier, telling reporters, "What, me worry?"

In related news, some California counties that experienced rolling blackouts are also reporting rolling mass arrests, rolling secret weapons tests and rolling on the river.

© 2001 Victor Payan

 

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