2000

Indecisive Florida Court overturns overturned election

"This is not the way we handle things in Texas," said a concerned Bush, shortly before an unsightly boil erupted on his face. "This is a date that will live in an infirmary."...

Fuzzy math recount to decide close Presidential election
"Well, recuuuuuuse me!" says Florida Governor

In the strangest turn of events in American electoral politics since Republican cronies stymied the Paris Peace Talks in 1968 or the time they delayed the release of the hostages from Iran in 1980, it seems that the 2000 Presidential election has ended with no clear winner...

Gore's Groin Grabs Bush Camp by Surprise

Rumors that Vice President Al Gore's groin may have been airbrushed on the current issue of Rolling Stone to diminish the prominence of his reportedly-large male member have led to a rush of chatroom discussions, a surge in the stock market and a sudden rise in the polls for Gore...

Soylent Gringo...It's Tacos!
Consumers shell-shocked in search for root of killer corn connection

"It could cause digestive problems, cramping, spasms, allergic reactions and even night blindness," said Coronel Ben Enoso of the FDA's Genetic Corn Division. "Unfortunately, this makes it pretty hard to distinguish from other Taco Bell food"...

Amtrak announces Fiestas Repatrias travel program on all southbound trains

In order to celebrate the recent findings that Latinos make up 30% of the California state population, Amtrak has announced special one-way southbound vacation travel fares to Mexico in effect from September until after the November presidential elections. The Amtrak program, called Fiestas Repatrias, is scheduled to coincide with Mexican Independence Day, Hispanic Heritage Month and the annual Sacramento Greaser Festival...

Defective tires cause huarache havoc in Mexico
Fox furious over footwear fiasco

Large quantities of the defective Firestone tires recalled in connection with numerous automobile accidents involving Ford vehicles have created a crisis south of the border as the tires are finding their way into huarache factories across Mexico...

Republicans court minorities, the poor and people with bad memories
Bush tells mesmerized crowd: "Ich bin ein Beaner"

In one of many phrases bastardized from the Time-Life compact disc series, "The Greatest American Speeches of the Twentieth Century," Bush hammered home the message that this year's Republican party is not the same backwards party that met four years ago united in a proud display of anti-immigrant, anti-minority, anti-poor, anti-gay, anti-abortion and anti-environmental intolerance...

Proposition 21 Backfires:
District Attorney arraigns White teenagers in vicious migrant beating attack

"We have uncovered some cryptic evidence possibly suggesting that this could perhaps be hate crime related and may even be potentially linked to probable gang activity," said SDPD spokesman Harry Nalgas, "but since the suspects are white and have wealthy parents, we can't be jumping to conclusions"...

 Fox wins, Mexican voters give PRI "el dedazo"

Tough-talking conservative former Coca Cola executive Vicente Fox Quesada has won the presidential race in Mexico in a historic election which political analysts are already referring to as "The Big Quesadilla"...

 US to redraw Mexican border to 1848 position
Mexican candidates woo mojado vote

"If the mojados won't come to Cuauhtemoc, Cuauhtemoc must come to the mojados," PRD candidate Cuauhtemoc Cardenas told an exuberant crowd of busboys, waitresses and other exploited Mexican workers at a rally held at Los Angeles' historic Olvera St., the so-called So Cal. Zocalo...

Pat Buchanan plays hardball with little league team

"We can't have Latino parents showing up who think the National Anthem starts out: 'Jose, can you see by the dawn's early light.' It sends the wrong message. And Sammy Sosa didn't learn how to swing a bat by washing dishes either," says Buchanan...

Rival Vigilante Groups Duke it out in Arizona Turf War

Two rival paramilitary vigilante groups are battling for manhunting rights in the Arizona borderlands in their efforts to roundup undocumented immigrants pushed further into the unforgiving Arizona desert by California's controversial "Operation Grave Keeper"...

Juvenile Injustice Initiative Passes

Conservative California radio talk show host Kay K. Keigh agrees. "I don't see how Proposition 21 discriminates," she says. "Blacks, Hispanics, Asians and poor white trash will all get the same treatment: life in prison without parole. Now that's what I call affirmative action!"...

Special Pocho News Bullet-in
Rise in Police-Related Shootings Triggers PIG Response

"We want the public to know that we are working with them," said PIG spokesperson Gus Tapo. "If we shoot someone, no matter how many times, we don't want public opinion to backfire on the police"...

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