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Bush tells mesmerized crowd:
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Juvenile Injustice Initiative
Passes
02/26/00
Rise in Police-Related Shootings
Triggers PIG Response
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08/04/00
Republicans court minorities, the
poor and people with bad memories
 Bush tells mesmerized
crowd: "Ich bin ein Beaner"
by Victor Payan
Pocho Convention Floor Manager
Republican Presidential candidate George W. Bush brought the crowd at this
year's Republican National Convention in Philadelphia to a standing ovation
when he declared: "Read my lips: Ich bin ein Beaner!"
In one of many phrases bastardized from the Time-Life compact disc series,
"The Greatest American Speeches of the Twentieth Century," Bush
hammered home the message that this year's Republican party is not the same
backwards party that met four years ago united in a proud display of anti-immigrant,
anti-minority, anti-poor, anti-gay, anti-abortion and anti-environmental
intolerance.
This year, the Republicans are courting their traditional scapegoats in
a drastic make-over which many are calling "ass-kiss conservatism."
Latinos, African Americans, women and gays were the most visible benefactors
of "ass-kiss conservatism" this year, due to their increased voting
strength and the demise of the many proud Republicans who belong to what
Bush referred to as "The Grayest Generation."
Perennial presidential favorite Colin Powell, a Black man, took the stage
on the first night of the convention and passionately declared, "While
it is true that the Republican Party spent the last twenty years putting
minorities and the poor in prison with horrible life sentences, slashing
education, rolling back civil rights and destroying affirmative action,
why can't we all just get along?"
On the final night of the convention, Bush's nephew George Pendejo Bush
gave a rousing speech in Spanish, which prompted many delegates to chant,
"You're in America, speak English!" and "Go back to Mexico!"
Still, others were impressed by the younger Bush.
"I know George W. Bush put my cousin to death and deported my mother
and stole my grandfather's land, but his nephew is so cute. Ay que George
P. Bush. The 'P' is definitely for Papichulo," said Theo Taco, a gay
Latino Republican delegate from Texas. "I'd like to show him where
the beef is," added Mr. Taco, who was later beaten senseless in the
parking lot by his fellow delegates from Texas.
But George W. Bush was confident that the message of "ass-kiss conservatism"
was getting through. "Four score and seven years ago we held these
truths to be self-evident," he said, "that there is nothing to
fear but what you can do for your country. And I would like to conclude
tonight by saying: Mr. Gorbachev, tear down that wall."
In the biggest surprise of the convention, Mexican mariachi superstar Vicente
Fernandez took the stage to perform a medley of George W. Bush's favorite
ZZ Top songs, including "Legs," "LaGrange" and "Sharp
Dressed Man." In related news, Juan Gabriel, who was also scheduled
to perform, canceled his appearance after he was beaten senseless in the
parking lot by the delegates from Texas.
©2000 Victor Payan
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