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Gore's Groin Grabs Bush Camp by
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10/25/00
Gore's Groin Grabs Bush Camp by
Surprise
 by Victor Payan
Pocho Raging Election Reporter
Rumors that Vice President Al Gore's groin may have been airbrushed on the
current issue of Rolling Stone to diminish the prominence of his reportedly-large
male member have led to a rush of chatroom discussions, a surge in the stock
market and a sudden rise in the polls for Gore.
The main question on everyone's lips is: Can it be true?
Gore is remaining fairly quiet about the rumors of his national endowment,
but at a press conference yesterday in the Florida panhandle, Gore spokesman
Hugh G. Rection said, "We want the issues of this election to be health
care, social security and Governor Bush's inadequacy on many fronts. We
are here to decide the future of this country. And in that regard, it is
safe to say Bush is not half the man Al Gore is."
The Bush camp has been scrambling for a response to this development, reportedly
fitting the Texas Governor with tighter and tighter slacks for his next
photo op. Unfortunately, they have had no luck in coming up with an appropriate
countermeasurement.
"It seems not everything is bigger in Texas," said a Bush insider,
adding, "We know the competition is stiff, but this is ridiculous."
Nonetheless, this latest revelation gives new meaning to Bush's assertion
that Gore is for "bigger government."
The Rolling Stone rumor has also revived the speculation that whereas George
W. Bush claims to be related to Prince Charles, it is quite apparent that
Gore can trace his root back to Prince Albert.
According to Gore aid Dangil Horsely, the Vice President's preponderous
protuberance performed as something of a secret weapon during the third
Presidential debate.
"Gore has always been a speak softly and carry a big stick kind of
guy," said Horsely, "but let's just say health care reform is
not the only generous package Gore was touting that night. It is no wonder
that Bush seemed to cower in fear whenever the Vice President stood up.
If I was in the ring with that gila monster, I'd hide behind Jim Lehrer,
too."
The question of whether size matters has pollwatchers and pundits pondering.
Will this latest development make a difference with the two groups that
many believe will determine the outcome of the election: women and African
American voters?
"Size is not important," says Jill E. Kincarney of the League
of Women Voters. "But I'm voting for Gore."
In related news, Gore is also slated to appear on the upcoming covers of
Vibe, Jet and Ebony magazines.
© 2000 Victor Payan |
