Between The Lines: The Online Art/chive of Informes Informales

"Well, recuuuuuuse me!" says Florida Governor by Victor Payan
Pocho Fuzzy Mathematician In the strangest turn of events in American electoral politics since Republican cronies stymied the Paris Peace Talks in 1968 or the time they delayed the release of the hostages from Iran in 1980, it seems that the 2000 Presidential election has ended with no clear winner. "We all knew there would be no winners in this election, but this is not what we were thinking," said one voter. At the end of a white knuckle voter slugfest that lasted well into the wee hours of the night, it appears that several irregularities have made Florida the scene of the final showdown in determining who will be the new President of the United States. For a while, the press reported that the Sunshine State and its twenty-five electoral votes went to Al Gore. Later, they were announced as going to George W. Bush. Now, the press is waiting for the results of an official recount. Meanwhile, the nation holds its breath to know that the fate of the free world dangles from the fingertips of roughly fifteen hundred seniors citizens, militant Anti-Castro Cubans and superstitious but disgruntled Haitian immigrants. While Vice President Al Gore has won the popular vote nationwide, a great feat for a candidate who was never considered to be very popular, Texas Governor George W. Bush stands to win more electoral votes than Gore if Florida swings his way. This would make him the new President. "I have every faith in the electrical college," a smug George W. Bush told reporters in Austin. "We have some very fine electrical colleges here in the great state of Texas. But no matter what happens, I am confident that we have taken the election." Florida governor Jeb Bush, brother of the presidential candidate, said that he would recuse himself from the recount for the sake of the appearance of fairness. Numerous voters have also cried foul regarding the ballots in Palm Beach County, alleging that a confusing layout caused potentially thousands of Gore supporters to throw their vote to independent madman Pat Buchanan. "This is ridiculous," said an unidentified spokesman for JebCo, the company that printed the ballots. This layout confusion has also reportedly led to the disqualification of more than 19,000 ballots which showed votes for two candidates. So far three lawsuits have been filed in Florida demanding a re-vote for the disputed Buchanan ballots, while a fourth has been filed to stop Florida Governor Jeb Bush from using words like "recuse." A spokesperson for the Buchanan Branch Floridians says that it is quite believable that the perennial pipsqueak has a strong following in the Sunshine State. "His message of keeping Mexican immigrants from spilling over the border into Florida resonates with a lot of us. Especially after that Elian Gonzalez incident." Buchanan supporters are not the only ones who feel that Elian Gonzalez had an adverse impact on the election results. Some suggest that heavy resentment from Cuban Americans has resulted in a post-Gonzalez stress disorder which may have led to election tampering. Many allege that ballot boxes in pro-Gore districts are missing and that some non-Cuban immigrants may have been threatened into staying away from the polls. "This is ridiculous," said Miami Registrar of Voters, Emilio Estefan Fetchitt. "To even hint that Cuban Americans would conspire to exclude certain communities from participating is preposterous. I mean, just look at the Latin Grammies." In related news, a computer glitch in New Mexico has led to the withholding of 60,000 votes in that state. Oddly enough, more than 30,000 of those were cast for failed Mexican Presidential candidate Francisco Labastida. Representatives of Mexico's PRI party could not be reached for comment. ©2000 Victor Payan

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