Between The Lines: The Online Art/chive of Informes Informales

by Victor Payan
Florida Ballot Folklorico Counter

MIAMI - A surprise ruling by the Florida Supreme Court today significantly eroded Texas Governor George W. Bush's lead over Vice President Al Gore in the US Presidential election. The ruling, which calls for fairness, accountability and a full counting of all votes, strikes a blow to the Bush campaign.

"This is not the way we handle things in Texas," said a concerned Bush, shortly before an unsightly boil erupted on his face. "This is a date that will live in an infirmary."

The previously confident Bush then sent a message to Gore's lawyers asking if they would consider a "Three Fifths Compromise" of the contested votes, which are believed to be mainly those of disenfranchised Black and elderly voters.

This decision dwindles Bush's dramatic 500 vote lead in Florida to just 154 votes. A more thorough statewide recount could possibly overturn the hotly contested election in Gore's favor.

A spokesman for the Bush campaign said that Vice Presidential candidate Dick Cheney is expected to hold a press conference to announce that he is going to have another heart attack.

The surprise ruling allows for a manual recount of votes in any Florida county that requests one. Bush has always been opposed to a manual recount, claiming that machines are better at some tasks than humans.

"I have had many fine experiences with machines such as the electric chair and the device used for administering lethal injections," said Bush. "With those machines, every vote counts. I would also accept a recount done by Battlebots."

Privately, insiders claim that Bush merely does not understand why the court would leave the recount in the hands of someone named Manuel. Potential First Lady Laura Bush agreed with her husband about the effectiveness of machines, but disagreed with his criticism of Manuel, saying, "He has never rubbed me the wrong way."

The ruling was handed down shortly after two other Florida courts decided to allow the inclusion of more than 20,000 votes from ballots that had been illegally tampered with by Republican Party operatives. The decisions were intended to send a clear signal to the Republicans.

"You can tamper with all of the ballots some of the time, some of the ballots all of the time, but you can't tamper with all of the ballots all of the time," said the decision.

In related news, both Gore and Bush took some time on Friday to observe the 20th anniversary of the slaying of former Beatle and peace activist John Lennon.

Vice President Al Gore honored the slain musician by giving a dramatic public reading of Lennon's masterpiece "Imagine," while George W. Bush marked the occasion by reading the lyrics to the song "With a Little Help from my Friends."

"I get by with a little help from my friends. I get high with a little help from my friends," Bush told an ebullient crowd.

The Texas Governor added that he has long been a Lennon fan, claiming that the song "Daydream Believer" helped see him through his difficult Vietnam days in the bar of the Houston Hilton.

©2000 Victor Payan

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